Hold the Cheese…Seriously

Some folks don’t get it. Who knows if they ever will. There are people in the world, like Artichoke and me, who do not eat cheese, no matter the reason. So I’ve yet to understand why a cheese-less pizza is a foreign concept. Here’s what’s happened to us recently.

About 2-3 weeks ago, I took Momma Macaroon food shopping at our local Fairway Market. It was around lunch time and Momma was hungry. We decided to go to their food court for lunch. After looking around, I went for pizza.

In the past when I’ve had the pizza, it has been awesome. The pizza man I usually see does an amazing job. He told Artichoke, who is a pizza conoisseur, about his 30 years experience.

On this day, I did notice that the usual pizza man wasn’t there, but not a big deal. I stepped up the counter and ordered a Vedura (veggie) pizza. “No cheese, please.” The woman working the station looked surprised. “No cheese?” “No cheese at all,” I replied. “Okay.”

She made the pizza right in front of me. It looked awesome before going in the oven. I was really looking forward to it.

About 10 minutes later, the pizza was ready. In on swift movement, the pizza woman took the pizza out of the oven, placed it in the box and threw a massive handful of Parmesan cheese. I thought to myself “Oh man! She forgot.” Nicely, I asked “You didn’t just put cheese on there, right?” She held her hand over her mouth and apologized profusely, “I forgot. You said ‘no cheese.’ I’m sorry. I can make you another one, if that’s okay.” “Sure” was my answer. I figured that it happens. “No cheese” may not be a normal request.

I waited another 5-6 minutes. The pizza was underdone, but I wasn’t going to press the issue. The pizza woman rushed things because she didn’t want me to wait any longer. She also was very careful not to put Parmesan cheese on it. The end result: so-so pizza. I wasn’t mad, just chocked it up to a bad pizza day.

Well tonight, I went to our beloved Fairway with Artichoke and Momma Macaroon for food shopping. We decided to have dinner in the food court. No pots and pans to wash!

Artichoke and I agreed to split a pizza. Again, the normal pizza man wasn’t there. This time, it was a new guy behind the counter.

Here was the conversation:

Artichoke: “I’d like a veggie pizza. No cheese.”

Guy: “No cheese? Okay!”
Guy makes the pizza and puts it in the oven.

10 minutes later.

Guy puts something in his hand and starts sprinkling it over the pizza.

Macaroon: “Nonononoooooooooo!”

Guy: “What?”
Artichoke: “I said ‘No cheese.”
Guy: “Well, i didn’t put mozzarella on it, just Parmesan.”
“Oh. That’s cheese, right? I’ll make you another one.”
Macaroon: (groan)
Artichoke: “Okay”
We walk away

Macaroon: “This is the second time this has happened. You’d think they give them a cheese lesson or something.”

10 minutes later, we got our pizza, 100% cheeseless, and it rocked! So the dude redeemed himself.

Now, I’m wondering if I need the schedule of the usual pizza man to best ensure we get a cheese-less pizza the first time around…or just order a cheese-less burrito the next time.


One Reply to “Hold the Cheese…Seriously”

  1. No!!! That totally sucks. How lucky for you that you have found one of the only other people in the world that doesn't like cheese on their pizza. I have a "no onions" policy that regularly gets screwed up too. Oh well.

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